Anderson Bailey was born and raised in Murfreesboro, TN-the son of a florist and an architect. However he was not born or conceived in the traditional sense of the idea. Upon arriving at the idea of having a second child, his parents met with a Norlandic Ice scientist, who convinced them to try and create a new breed of human; a real child of the Earth. So, Anderson’s mother spent two weeks and three days chewing up diamonds and swallowing them, only to find the digesting process would take another four and one-half years. His father spent night and day churning gold in a cast-platinum old-fashioned butter churn, until finally, sixteen and three-fifths months later, the correct consistency of creamy gold passion was achieved. He drank the shiny life juice until his belly was puffy and his bowels nearly bursted; forget not this was a man of eight feet in height and five-sixteenths of one ton in weight, so the gold consumed was near the value of a small planet or an extremely large dinosaur’s cloak.

After his mother and father had completed these two dirty deeds, they returned to the Norlandic Ice scientist and he informed them that the next step in this tumultuous tirade of conception would be taking the feces of their efforts and injecting them into each others breasts. This was done with surprising ease and one month later, Anderson’s mother felt what she thought was the beginning of a heart attack. His father rushed her to the hospital where the doctor informed her, “Holy shit, lady! You’ve got an eight year old boy coming out of your ass!!!” And so he was born. The first eight years of his life were spent inside his mother’s ass, over the span of less than a month, in a gelatinous pool of gold and diamonds.

Anderson went on to go through elementary and high school in Murfreesboro, TN, where he learned ceramics from Sharon Johnson and Lewis Snyder in high school. After high school, he studied ceramics at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque, NM. After two years he returned to Smithville, Tennessee, where he had spent much time as a child in Center Hill Lake. There, in Smithville, he would study a wide range of crafts at the Appalachian Center for Crafts, part of Tennessee Technological University. He earned a BFA in Studio Art with a concentration in ceramics. He spend another year in Tennessee making pots and showing at craft fairs, until he was run out of town by a clan of asshole overachievers (earlier that summer, he had spit on what he thought was a snake-shaped statue made of horse hair in the style of Martha Stewart, but turned out to be a surly New England businessman). He fled to the Northwest Corner of the U.S., where he presently cleans crap out of crawlspaces and paints the occasional bathroom. In Portland, Oregon.